had a really good daydreaming session today about exploring with you.
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You were in my dream again for the first time in a while. We played Minecraft together, and Puppy joined in.
I’ll be honest: the day you had to cancel our plans last summer, I cried; but I don’t blame you at all. I wouldn’t have blamed you for cancelling for any reason at all, really. I hope that doesn’t make you feel bad about it.
Sometimes I think about moving back so that I can be closer. Truthfully, for that reason, every time I’ve decided to move, I thought about staying.
I don’t know if you want me to resist or not, but I’ll play it safe and obey; I’ll try to go back to not looking at your blogs, which, until last week, I hadn’t looked at since summer. I’m still here if you change your mind, and I’ll wait for you to indicate still directly, but I’m not abandoning.
I’m confused.
I’m the least detached I’ve ever been, so it’s needless to say that I still want to give you what you need. That may not be quite what you’re saying you want, but here I am.
I’m good with you and in acceptance of our past, and I have been for a while now. Talk to me if you need closure on something and I’m not just flattering myself thinking that there is still a post being made these days that’s about me.
I got too scared of what you might think
“I kiss you – across hundreds of separating years.”
— Marina Tsvetaeva, from The Selected Poems: “No One Has Taken Anything Away”
